I have jealousy on my mind. What is it? Why do we feel it? What’s the message?
Jealousy, by definition, is the fear that someone else will take what you perceive to be yours—you feel jealous when an attractive (better), powerful (better), amazing (better) person is talking to your significant other.
I know the feeling. It sucks. It’s fear and anxiety. Anger, to try to fend off the fear and anxiety. There is certainly a feeling of crazy. Pain, hurt, doom, those come to mind as well. And physically I feel jealousy right in the pit of my stomach. Where it likes to punch me until I feel like even more of an idiot.
I told a story recently about yoga experience that involved a guided meditation. Quick summary: it involved talking to my baby boy, Liam, who passed away in 2005, and some crying. It was, very simply, a healing experience.
What I also mentioned back in that post, somewhat shamefully, is that I watch Grey’s Anatomy. But more importantly it’s that I cry—a lot—while watching Grey’s Anatomy. Over the last couple-few weeks it’s come into my awareness that maybe I count on this show to do this thing for me. Maybe. This is what’s really interesting, though, ever since my guided-meditation-yoga-experience (that’s a bunch of episodes) I haven’t cried during the show. Read more
Lately, in response to this kid acting in very age-appropriate ways, I have found myself dictating open letters to him in my head. For example:
To the free-loading two year old living in my house: I found the butter knife in the litter box.
(…) Gross, dude. So, so gross. The level of grossness is so great that I think I have to go ahead and throw the knife away.
(…) Stay out of the litter box, for the love.
Liam’s been on my mind a lot. I’m really aware of the ten year reunion of his life and really aware that it only lasts for nine months. And this awareness feels important. I’ve put out an intention to check whatever this is out; to be open to…anything.
Part Two: PTSD
On Friday I went to a training for an intervention (SBIRT) and at the very end we touched on PTSD. I was reminded that sometimes people who have been diagnosed with PTSD do not remember the trauma. Or if they do remember it, they don’t perceive it as such. It’s a coping mechanism, right, and it helps people—us—to get on with our lives. So, not remembering and/or not identifying with a trauma—that’s in my head all weekend. Read more
La Crosse is in a very unique position to be the first community in the nation to officially launch the Campaign to Change Direction. It was officially launched in Washington just over two weeks ago and this past Monday night I was fortunate to be at the La Crosse launch at the Weber Center. Take a listen to Michelle Obama:
How do you Change Direction? Know the five signs: Personality Change, Agitation, Withdrawal, Poor Self Care, Hopelessness. What next? If you notice that someone is showing one or more of these signs all you have to do is reach out. Ask them how they are doing. Let them know you care. The intention is to stop ignoring mental illness and to start acknowledging that most every single person is touched by it in some way.